Roller Derby, Using Your Body as a Weapon and Trans Women in Sport.

An election looms, so of course they're at it again.

I’m surrounded by a gaggle of fresh skaters; we’re all sucking down breaths and sports water between drills. Coaching new players is frankly the best. Watching their discovery of what their bodies can do, their enthusiasm is infectious. The conversation turns to my long absence from the sport. Something like 8 years elapsed since I gave it up and how different everything is. Not just the game, but my life, even how I look is vastly different.

One of the new skaters pipes up, “Different how? Like… different hair?”

“Different gender, honey.”

We all laughed, and I felt nothing but joy in that moment.

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It was one of those spectacular instances of comradery, where you realise that you’re so completely accepted by a stranger that they can’t even conceive of you being anything other than who is right in front of them.

This is my experience with Roller Derby.

Back when I played as man, when I was still under the delusion I was one, it was the same. That camaraderie, that kindness I saw between these women was extended to me. Without it I’d never have pushed, never have committed to bettering myself in this sport. Without them I’d never have represented Australia at an international level… yeah, me… the queer theatre-kid who was diagnosed as clinically uncoordinated as a child and always picked last in PE… I played a sport at the highest possible level, far higher a level than any of the jocks who used to beat on me in school.

But in those 8 years it was the people I missed the most, my longing for the friendships drew me back nearly a decade, and shit-load of feminising hormones, later.

But now, that might not last.

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The conservatives are tooling up for a federal election in three months. As such our resident strong-man has slithered from the haunted mirror he uses to preserve the link between his mortal coil and the tattered shreds of what he calls a soul. While the local conservatives are punching down on trans children, the federal member for demonising minorities did his usual schtick on Skynews (shudders). That’s right, Opposition Leader Peter Dutton backed calls for the exclusion of trans women in sport. »LINK

Just so we’re clear, this is me he’s talking about.

It’s not like I play a sport like chess or badminton where TERFs have to draw a bow so long you are amazed they can even aim it. I play a full contact sport as a woman. For those of you not in this world, roller derby games are still called “bouts”… like boxing matches. As physical as these games are I’ve never injured anyone. I’ve left them battered and bruised in that exhilarating way we derby fanatics adore. I’ve even hurt people’s feelings, sure, but never broken someone’s bones or concussed them or obliterated their resolve to continue.

Correct me if I am overlooking someone but as far as I know there are no trans women currently in contention for Olympic selection or A-grade codes? Yes, there are trans men, and non-binary people at the top levels. For some reason this isn’t seen as an issue… *coughs* transmisogyny *coughs*… I can’t for the life of me figure out why?

I’m the scary trans athlete they’re talking about, and the fearmongering isn’t new.

Roller derby is an astoundingly progressive space, but I’ve not been unscathed. One particular game got real scrappy real quick. A casual, “no-stakes” game fast became a melee. I won’t bore you with the details but a senior player from the opposition sought to stop me in risky way and I capitalised on it. With force. The game was halted and the opposition asked for my removal from the game as I was “a danger” to their players.

No rule had been broken of course. Bless those referees. Every. Single. One.

But there it was. Of all the places I’ve felt safe there was still the shadow of doubt. I *might* hurt someone. Best play it safe and not take the chance. God, I wish I’d trusted my gut and not played. I know now that I’ll be scrutinized harder, that other trans and non-binary skaters will be scrutinized harder.

Now with the election cycle revving up the talking heads will emerge. Proxies for conservative candidates will say all the awful things and the simpering weasel politicians will only have to wink for the camera and roll out the dog whistles to benefit. They get to hold up their hands claiming “It’s not about discriminating against anyone” as Dutton did with his buddy’s ex-chief-of-staff/“journalist” on Skynews, “to be displaced from a team because somebody has a physiological advantage over them, that’s just not in the spirit of sport.”

Despite all this, I still wish to play.

I still want people to see me play and realise there’s nothing unusual about me, that I’m no different from any other 5’10” woman who lifts a few weights and takes her fitness seriously (of which there are plenty in roller derby). Oh, and before you ask, that bout I mentioned? The one where someone called for my removal? We lost by the way, and I was far from being the highest points earner either.

So much for all that “physiological advantage”, hey?

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I’m off to the protests tomorrow over the bullshit my local government is pulling, but I felt it worth reminding y’all that more is on the way. Just like with this ban on providing transition care for minors they are going to claim “oh we are just trying to protect children” but also throw trans people under the bus. Don’t believe me? As I’m writing this the Murdoch owned new.com.au still proudly displaying the headline “Peter Dutton pledges to create national child sex offender register”, playing video of Trump banning Trans people from sport and quoting Dutton on how he’ll do the same. »LINK

The message is clear. They want you to think of me as a predator.

I want you to remember that. Me. The idea of me. Me in my lycra showing up at a suburban sports centre. Me. Throwing my middle-aged-out-of-shape-ass around a basketball court on roller skates. Me. Teaching people how to play a magnificent, glorious, ridiculous sport that changed my life for the better, a sport that changed so many others lives for the better.

While you’re thinking about that, I’m going to be thinking about the enthusiasm of those new skaters. I’ll be thinking about seeing their reaction when they make their laps or get the drill right. Their wonderment on their faces when they first knock someone to the ground with their newly gained strength and power. I’ll be thinking about how I’ve taught them to use their bodies as weapons, how I was taught by magnificent women to use my body as a weapon.

Because that’s what it is now.

It’s a weapon because it strikes fear into the hearts of the weak who would enact cruelty on children. It scares them so much they need to make up laws, and sacrifice their reputations and what’s left of their souls to the wrong side of history. It really doesn’t matter if I play sport or not, they’re already terrified, and that feels better than any number of points on the board.

Catch y’all at the protests, darlings. If you see a burly, tattooed transwoman on the front line and things get heated, remember you can always stand behind me, I know how to knock a man to the ground.

–S