Sit With Your Discomfort: Transgender Day of Remembrance 2024
Content Warning: Descriptions of violence against transgender people.
Note: Video of me reading excerpts of this can be found over on the 4ZZZ Podcasts Channel
On the 20th of November communities of trans, non-binary and gender diverse people stop to recognise those they’ve lost to violence in the last year.
These are incredibly difficult numbers to parse. There’s no way to definitively know that every single person has been counted. The vagaries of different nation’s laws around record-keeping, deliberate dead-naming and obfuscation, the fact that so many of these victims are those who’ve been cast adrift by society, forced to live without support or recognition. It all adds up to the point where we can with confidence use the caveat “that we know of” with every statistic provided. Despite all this, the Transgender Murder Monitor diligently releases their count of the global annual figures on the week leading up to the day of remembrance.
350 trans and gender diverse people were murdered this year.
Counted from the 1st of October 2023 til the 30th of September 2024, the demographics wont surprise you. Overwhelmingly they’re people of colour. Overwhelmingly they are transfeminine. Staggering numbers of them are sex workers, migrants or refugees.
Every year I take the time to read the full list and the circumstances of their deaths. At most all that’s available are a few short lines to sum up the horrors these people suffered at the end of their lives. Sometimes there isn’t even a name or a listed cause, just an empty entry connected to a person found who came to harm at the hands of another. This is a woefully inadequate way to capture the constellations of humanity that exist within these lists. Every single entry is a universe in their own right, an infinite weave of hopes and wants, fears and desires that were abruptly ended.
I wish I knew them all.
I wish I could write the list that said, “Samantha missed swimming most of all and would slip into the ocean at night when no one could see her.” A list filled with entries like “Armin loved to cook for his housemates. Some nights they’d have to beg him to stop as he gleefully carried in yet more dishes from the kitchen.” Or how about “Kendra didn’t hate her bullies; she knew that they just didn’t understand and hoped that one day they would.”
But this isn’t that list.
This is a list of just some of the names and the manner in which they died. In our hearts they will always be more than just this list. They will always be more than their victimhood, but right now, I’m listing them in this way so you can understand the scale of violence that was inflicted upon them. I hope you can sit with the discomfort.
Katarina argued with a man. He shot her.
Vivian was stabbed by her ex-boyfriend. He left her body on the road.
Gabriela was shot when men stormed her home. She watched them kill her partner first.
Dominic was shot.
Carla was shot.
Alisha was shot.
Mikael was shot.
Lisa was shot in the back while she walked home from a friend’s house.
Evelin was shot and killed in her home.
Liah was shot. She died waiting for help to arrive.
Chyna was shot by a masked man as she sat in her car.
Dulce was shot. It looked like an execution.
Shakira was shot multiple times by a man passing on a motorcycle.
Chay was kidnapped, shot and dumped in the street.
Keny was shot at a party. Six people carried her to the street and left her to die.
Bruna was shot three times. They found her on the beach.
London was shot in her home. Her grandmother watched, unable to help.
Samantha was shot in a parking lot by the men who had been hunting her.
Miriam was a candidate for a political party. She was shot in the street by a group of men.
Maruca was ambushed while she was driving. She was shot multiple times.
Rafael was shot dead in his neighbour’s garage.
Karla was shot five times.
Shirley was shot in her home
Monica was shot by two men on a motorcycle
Maria was shot in the head. She was fleeing from men riding a motorcycle.
Best friends Amiri and Kejuan were shot to death in their car. Their killer took his own life.
Savannah was shot by a man after she’d sex with him. He said he “had to do it”.
A’nee was assaulted. When she fled her attacker chased her, running her with down with their car.
Fabinha was beaten to death by two men, one a police office. They claimed she was shoplifting.
Gaby went missing. Her blood was found in a car. They never found her body.
Mara was stabbed inside her beauty salon.
Amanda was stabbed in her home.
Goldie was stabbed in the street.
Tieta was stabbed by her boyfriend.
Erick was stabbed by his partner during an argument. He died before reaching the hospital.
Fabiana was strangled in her home.
Rayane was beaten to death with a tire iron by two men.
Cataleya allowed a man to stay in her home. He stabbed her in the face, killing her.
La Gocha was stabbed forty times.
Maria was stabbed, found wrapped in hotel sheets.
Pricilla was found on the road. She’d been stabbed in the neck.
Diana, a trans community leader, was stabbed to death in a hotel by her partner. He later turned himself in.
Abigail had her throat cut.
Jesús was stabbed by their boyfriend who then killed themself.
Isa was stabbed in the street. She died after being ignored by onlookers.
Valentina was shot in the nightclub where she worked.
Alejandra was found wrapped in a tarp. The police interrupted her killers while they were digging a grave to dispose of her.
Lorraine was beaten to death.
Melani was beaten to death.
Paloma was beaten to death.
Roja was strangled. The men who did it were paid by their ex-wife.
Roxana was found with her hands and feet tied to a tree. She’d been strangled.
Kamylla was stoned to death.
Blanca was stabbed by their partner. Their neighbours had ignored the cries for help. They thought it was just another argument with their abusive partner.
Ariya was robbed and shot. Her killer used her social media profiles to taunt police with the phone they stole.
Bella was shot
Teresa was shot
Eliza was shot
Luisa was shot
Amber was shot. She was found in a driveway. It was Christmas Eve.
Obaidy was shot in the street by her boyfriend.
Meghan was shot by a delivery driver. She’d objected when he misgendered her.
Manu was found beaten to death on a railway line. Their family buried them under their deadname.
Lex was killed by a drunk driver
Jay was strangled. They were a well-known vocal coach.
Kitty was attacked on new-years day. A man and woman chased her, beat her and then ran over her with their car.
Laila was beaten in the street by her ex-partner. Witnesses filmed the attack instead of intervening. She died of her injuries.
Gaby was found abandoned on a rural road. She’s been tortured.
Giovana was stabbed to death in the street by their partner.
Emma was beaten to death by a man after he discovered she was trans. She was a teenager.
Bruna was beaten to death by her ex-partner. Her body was found at a construction site.
Cristian was shot four times by the men who broke into her home.
Mayla was stabbed. She was found at a farm, wrapped in a plastic tarp.
Effy was stabbed
Diva was stabbed
Sasha was stabbed
Simsim was stabbed
Kelly died in hospital. Two weeks before, her boyfriend had set fire to her car while she was in it.
Samantha was a shot fourteen times. She was the second trans politician to be murdered in the space of a week.
Rafaelly was stabbed to death by her husband.
Kal was kidnapped and tortured. He had left the house to buy food. They cut off his head, his arms and his fingers.
Jasuhara was beaten and drowned.
Parsa was murdered by their father. He had subjected them to imprisonment and abuse for years.
Dianny was stabbed int he street by her ex-partner.
Teo was found dead in his bedroom. His boyfriend attempted to take his own life too but failed.
Helen was stabbed to death by her partner in their home.
Nex was beaten in a school bathroom. The staff didn’t call an ambulance. They died the next day.
Jazmin was shot in the head in front of her friends while they drank in the street.
Hellen was attacked by a man with a machete who fled.
Abigail was brought to a vacant lot to be executed. They shot her in the head three times.
Vanessa was shot. She was homeless at the time.
Keylin went missing. They found her in plastic bags on the beach. She’d been dismembered.
Angelique was stabbed in her home.
Arcel was stabbed. They were found in the river.
Halia was stabbed in a bar by a woman who stared an argument with her.
Pamela was in the courtyard of her home when men on motorcycles approached. They shot her to death.
Niurka was shot as she left a nightclub. She died at the hospital.
Teresa was found in a vacant lot. The police tried to say it was suicide.
Devanny refused to pay an extortionist. They beat her to death.
T.K. argued with his cousin. They shot him three times.
Devora was shot.
Samantha was shot.
Devaly was shot.
Reyna was tied to a tree, tortured and shot by her ex-partner.
Shaina was beaten to death in a night club.
Monserrat was and lured her out by her killer. She was beaten, stabbed and suffocated with a plastic bag. The attack had been planned.
Asma was shot in park.
Aliza was found near the bar where she worked. She’d been suffocated with her own blouse and shot.
Reshma was found in a graveyard, her hands and feet bound. She’d been stabbed.
Martha was beaten with a steel pipe.
Aytan was beaten and tortured.
Jhenifer was lured out to meet a man via social media. He strangled her to death.
Diamond was shot in the street.
Alex was shot and found in the desert. Three teenagers were arrested.
Anastasia was shot.
Riana was stoned to death.
Joelma was beaten to death. She was found in an alley.
Barbie was strangled to death by her partner.
Patrícia was strangled. She was found in the river where her killer dumped her.
Meraxes was dragged from their car and shot.
Flávia was shot.
Bianca was shot.
Thaliana was shot.
Betsy was shot.
Dámaris was beaten to death by her partner.
Tee was shot outside a mall. He’d been telling people his life was in danger.
River was stabbed by their boyfriend.
Gisa was beaten to death in an empty lot.
Meredith died in hospital. She and her friends had been beaten by four men.
Jorrana, a social activist, was shot by three men as she sat in her car.
Fernanda was hit by a truck. Her killer fled.
Daniele was shot.
Tuliana was shot.
Kataleya was shot.
Alyson was shot. Her attackers set fire to her apartment after beheading her.
Babli was found near a canal. She’d been tortured and lynched.
Samira was stabbed.
Shayene was stabbed.
Starr left work with a colleague. They shot her.
Valentina was pushed down the stairs of a nightclub.
Andrea was beaten with a pipe while she slept.
Luma was stabbed.
Ramona was shot to death in the street by men. The investigation showed that six different firearms were used.
Noelia was stabbed to death.
Selena was shot trying to defend a colleague.
Charmy was stabbed to death, stripped naked and mutilated.
Kita was struck by two cars. Someone pushed her into the road.
Manji was strangled to death by her partner.
Cássia was stabbed nine times by her ex-boyfriend.
Natasha was shot in the street. She died in hospital.
Jazlynn was shot in her car. A teenager was arrested for her murder.
Tayy was shot.
Dil was shot.
Babli was shot by her brother and his friends. They said it was an ‘honour killing’.
Paloma was stabbed.
Romo was stabbed in the street. Thirty minutes passed without authorities coming to her aid. They said it was another departments responsibility.
Jo-Ann was stabbed. Her attacker set fire to her home.
Michelle was an activist. She was stabbed and strangled in her home.
Jonhy was found in in the street. He’d been put into black plastic bags.
Catalenya was shot in the head. She was found at the garbage dump.
Alondra was shot as she sat drinking with her boyfriend.
Karabelo was stabbed twenty times by a man when he discovered she was trans.
Mónica was beaten to death. She was found in the river.
Trintiy was beaten to death.
Luna was tied up and beaten. The hotel room where she lived was set on fire.
Daniela was stoned to death.
Kenia was beaten to death outside her home. She’d reported a group of people for harrassing her.
Liara was stabbed. She was found in the back seat of her car when her ex-partner was trying to move her.
Pauly was found in several garbage bags by the lake.
Valentina was shot the bar she owned.
Gabriella was strangled in her own bed with a blanket.
Poly was found in her home. Her boyfriend had cut her throat.
Kenji was shot in a restaurant parking lot.
Ketilly was shot in the back and head.
Shannon was found in the street. She’d been shot and run over with a car.
María was beaten to death by her partner. She was found in a ditch behind her home.
Angelina was beaten to death with an axe by her partner.
Géraldine was stabbed by a man when he discovered she was trans.
Huber was shot.
El was shot.
Jano was shot.
Sheela was found near railway tracks. She’d been beaten to death.
Camila was shot multiple times in the street.
Lubaton was beaten to death. Her boyfriend attacked her with a hammer.
Cristell was shot eight times by men on a motorcycle.
Monique was shot in the parking lot of the mall.
Violeta was shot four times.
Leticia was beaten to death.
Daniele was stabbed to death.
Luna was shot ten times in the street.
Aryadina was found in her backyard. She’d be stoned to death.
Dylan was beaten and stabbed in their home.
Valéria was beaten to death. She was found in the basement of her home, stripped and kneeling next to the bed.
Gabi was beaten to death. Her skull was crushed.
Verónica was stabbed in the park by a group of men.
Estrella was strangled to death in her home.
Indianara was thrown out of a truck and run over.
Vanity was shot to death in the lobby of her apartment.
Gul died in hospital. She’d been shot because she refused a man’s advances.
Jenifer was shot as she got off the bus. Her killer had been waiting for her.
Amanda was stabbed by her partner.
Chantelle was found in the street. She’d been shot in the head.
Dani was shot twice in a bar.
Clemmy was shot in the street while she walked home.
Gaby was beaten to death by her partner. He buried her in their backyard.
Safira was beaten to death.
Danna was shot by a man she argued with.
Rinlada was stabbed to death by her ex-partner.
Maria was stabbed in the back during an argument.
Jullyane was strangled. Her boyfriend dismembered her and set fire to her home.
Kasandra was shot by two men on a motorcycle.
Rigo shot four times in the street.
Ana was beaten on her way home. She died two weeks later in hospital.
Ariana was stabbed three times in her home
Rashi was strangled by her partner. She was found in a well, weighted down with stones.
Kesaria was stabbed by her boyfriend.
María was stabbed by her partner.
Aquilla was chased by a car and run over.
Cony was stabbed in the street by three men.
Dayana was found in a vacant lot. They’d been beaten with a concrete block.
Bárbara was found in her boyfriend’s house. She’d been strangled.
Larissa was found in the street, stabbed in the neck. She’d previously survived a similar attack the year before, but not this time.
In the last year I’ve found myself victim to both random attack in the street and intimate partner violence. Neither were expected nor deserved and I’m still struggling with the thought that I could’ve been an entry on this list. Everything I am distilled down to a single line describing what someone did to me?
It isn’t nearly enough.
So, while I sit with my discomfort with that, I’ll ask you to sit with yours.
If you’re not trans, non-binary or gender diverse I’m asking that you hold in your mind the knowledge that it’s possible for someone you love to be reduced down to a single line. Merely an entry on a list that will never capture the full breath and majesty of their life. Because while we want you to help us count our living too, to honour those who remain, we also need you to sit with the discomfort of seeing us count our dead.
So, don’t let go of your discomfort.
Don’t push it away, don’t cover it up.
Don’t.
Please, just sit with it.
–S